How to Burnout: a beginners 5 step guide to running on empty

At the beginning of the year I officially hit burnout.  My counselor said I was depressed and I was relieved that I wasn’t crazy.  I put the 5 steps that lead me there so you can avoid if you find yourself looking at this and saying to yourself “oh crap”.

1)    Try and please everyone.  Are you a people pleaser?  Great! Me too! Saying “no” means hurting people’s feelings and probably having them say something mean to you.  No one likes that and it would be way too hard to try and get thicker skin, separate your identity from your job, and learn that your “no” is saying “yes” to something else so just say “yes”. 

2)    See your job and your identity as the same thing.  In order to properly burn out you must see your job as the exact same as you.  When someone says “you’re not doing a good job” what they’re really saying is “you’re not good”.  It’s basically a scientific fact.  Being confident in who you are and believing that you are good no matter what anyone says is WAY too hard to believe so…don’t.  Declaring truths about yourself every morning is for the weirdo self-help people.

3)    Give up on finding friends.  It’s important for you to see yourself as lone wolf leader. Say things like “it’s lonely at the top” and believe it.  To try and fight being isolated is a waste of time, will only lead to more people leaving you, and shows that you need help(which you don’t of course).  Unless you want to fail again at one more thing, feel rejected, and after that maybe find some friends, don’t even try it. 

4)    Be Jesus.  It’s really important to have that good ole savior complex.  It’s a lie to think you can’t save everyone.  You might as well die trying.  Have zero boundaries, keep your phone on at ALL TIMES and right next to your bed.  Be the guy in the room that everyone loves because you helped them in their worst moment.  It’s way better to be Jesus then to be like Him.

5)    Take zero vacations.  And if you do take a vacation make sure to take your work with you.  Vacations are for people that are lazy or want their co-workers to think they are.  You can’t risk that.  Don’t rest because that’s for people who don’t have jobs as important as yours.  C’mon you’ve got this! Sleep is for the dead…right?

Obviously, this is sarcastic. Do the opposite of the above.

Joyfully forward,

Justus